Brrrr it's cold. So close to shivering. Ah jwvekwbwjxwivuwdicj iwbdiensjwsusi. I wish life wasn't as complicated as this. All I ask for is good grades, stay happy. That's it. But I'm not. I'm more of making others sad, disappointing them. Someone I love so dearly. But I just can't change. I forget the words I have to echo within inside me. And when I don't, he gets mad at me. I'm afraid. Afraid of losing him. Afraid it would become a habit of his. I don't want another nightmare. Cos I can't take hurt anymore. I wonder how many times I've cried. I wonder about so many things. Hurt again. Can't I tell my boyfriend to enjoy his dinner? Why why why...why is it that everything I say now, you just don't take it to heart. I'm not mad at you. I'm just sad. Really sad, hurt, weak. Yearning for the protection you gave me. Cos now you're beginning to scare me. Recent days, you shouted at me. Used vulgarities on me. Harsh you were, but that's just what I asked for. It's my fault I guess. What I never expected, was that you could bear to shout at me. I know, I've did things to make you disappointed with me. But I've never shouted at you. Why must you do it to me. I'm afraid. Afraid of this monster in you. What will become of you when we live together next time? I'm afraid. Having to deal with things like these and studies at the same time is just vexing. I don't know what to do. Giving up on life seems like a pretty good idea. But that's just cos I'm feeling so pekchek now. I'll probably regret if I were to end my life right here right now. I've gone through 8 months of torture, am I entitled to lead a happy 8 months now? I'm not getting it. Is it really wrong for me to be happy? I yearn happiness. I've been through my fair share of sadness why can't you just let me be happy for once and let me pull through this part of my life before giving me any more shit? Life is unfair as we know it. Really unfair. I'm asking for one more chance, to let us stay happy at least for now. Leave everything to after exams please? I'm begging you. It's all I really wish for right now. Please... Everything I do seems to be wrong. Why? Am I just problematic or what? Can there be someone else to judge? Cos I'm starting to doubt my whole morale value. Or am I just still a kid. Who doesn't know anything about principles of life I have to follow. Haha. I'm just a little girl who've been hurt deep, once, is more than enough. All I ask for now please, to stay happy with him.
